Dawn's Story

The reason I am sharing my story with you, is to help other military spouses and families. My name is Dawn Lewis, wife of disabled Iraq veteran, Phillip Lewis. My life changed the day my husband returned from war. I quickly realized that he was not the patient and understanding man that I married. He returned paranoid and in soldier mode, scanning the perimeter. I noticed he was having irrational thoughts and major depression. The problem only escalated. It was like living with a time bomb ready to explode. He was frustrated with everything and everybody, nothing made him happy. I was trying to understand, what I could not understand. I quickly found myself apologizing for my husband and explaining he had just returned from Iraq. I noticed people were judging a situation that they knew nothing about. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, not to let anyone upset him. We could not enjoy fun things that normal families do, because my husband could not handle crowds. I started avoiding situations that could be potential problems for him. I had to handle situations like phone calls and cashiers at stores because my husband could not.

At this time, I was turning to anyone that I thought could help me. Family, doctors and churches but they did not understand. Phil did not have every symptom at the same time, so they would only see what was before them. I felt alone and helpless. How was I supposed to help the man I love if no one understood our problem? My son started separating himself from us, by staying in his room. This was now affecting my whole family. The anger and frustration was now being directed towards me, not deserved, but his way of releasing safely, and I tried not to take personally. I woke up every morning hoping a good day for him, so my day would not be bad. I remember looking out my kitchen window at my neighbors having a cookout, wishing I could have a normal family life. I was mad and sad all at the same time. I felt no stability in my husband or my life, almost like a roller coaster, up in anger and hostility, down in depression. I was losing my feeling of self worth and a sense of who I am. Leaving my husband was never an option; I felt it was not his fault, I had to help him.

I noticed my husband was starting to have an obsession with guns and ammo, almost like he was hoarding them. I was afraid for everyone involved. My husband also started to drink alcohol, getting drunk night after night for a month. To make a long story short, I had to take a loaded gun from my husband’s head, first time I ever touched one and was scared to death. He was tired of living with PTSD and did not want to put us through it anymore. I had family take the guns out of my house. I told Phil the drinking had to stop. He agreed that both the guns and alcohol were a problem. After we finally got someone to really listen, because the situation got so bad, we received help.

I fought this battle for many years by myself. I wish this organization was started when I was dealing with these problems. All I needed was someone that understood and could guide me, to help my husband.

God has put it on our hearts to help others in similar situations. We are on a mission to help veterans and their families who are in need by helping them with information, support groups and Veteran issues. We may not have all the answers but we will do our best to assist in any way. We can be a caring ear that understands.